Keep Your Head Up

I write this rather simple seeming string of prose under duress.  No, there’s not a gun to my head or a deadline looming like a sword of Damocles.  It’s far more innocuous and insidious than that, unfortunately.  The threat exists from within, and it isn’t fear or doubt, but rather a very real yet almost entirely invisible problem.  I am one of many who suffers from chronic pain, and while I am not an expert on the matter from a medical perspective, I do know my own particular brand of suffering intimately.

Every day is a chaotic fight against forces unseen and unknown, battling to find a small slice of contentment and tranquility when my more typical surroundings are predominantly headaches (standard fare, cluster, and complex migraines).  Sure as my body gets older other aches and pains struggle for some measure of attention, but my old friend brain-pain is still the reigning and defending king of the hill atop the mountain of agony its built in my memory.

I find it difficult to fully express the challenges my situation presents, but social interaction and functionality for purposes of working are fairly obvious.  When all the world is pain, some seek the solace of a caregiver, and others seek the isolation needed to self-soothe.  As a child I was trained to isolate, and haven’t yet found a way to break that habit.  Thankfully, I was not passed a bottle of pills when I was little, so I’m not also fighting off an opioid addiction.  To the curious, my isolation doesn’t resolve my pain, it is simply my coping mechanism.  Right, wrong, or other, it’s the defense I’ve developed and still feel needs tweaking as time goes on.

Regarding the impact of constant pain upon my work, thankfully I’m making headway toward realizing my dream of becoming an author.  My first book was published on September 30th, 2017.  Unleash the Beast will be the first of many I have slated, and as my pain comes and goes, so too does my inclination to make progress on various works of my portfolio.  The best of intentions and my rather elaborate plans diverge at times when reality pushes me off course, but I’ll be working until I’m dead.  There’s just too much of the 13 Realms of Eternity to tell for any one mind, but I aim to put as much content out there as I’m able for my IP.  I try to work around the pain, or through it in cases like today, but there will always be more to do.

To those suffering, I hope you find a way that works for you to make it through the pain and keep reaching for your dreams.  You’re the one that should choose what’s worth fighting for in your life.